So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
