i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
