Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
