I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
