Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
