Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
