laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
