well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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