My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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