whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
