I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
