people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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