Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
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Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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