Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Bring me that man meat
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
