You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
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