booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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