At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
