$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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