1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
