So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The power of my boobs compel you
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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