u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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