And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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