I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
