she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He felt like a one man threesome
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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