you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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