I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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