i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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