All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
