Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
