I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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