if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
