I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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