I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
