I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
