Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
