It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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