I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
