u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
operation harelip BJ is a go
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
