i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
