i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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