I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
