nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize