Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
