She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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