i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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