So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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