OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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