Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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