so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
