And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
