So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's shark week go big or go home
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
