Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
