she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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