Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
