cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
