My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
