My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
