It's Friday. Sex?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You may now shotgun with the bride
You pole danced in your parka.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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