Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
