You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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