I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
