She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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