is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
