so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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