Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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