I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
