The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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