I faked an abortion last night.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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