Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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