I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
